"Crumbs of My (Deleted) OKCupid Profile - Part 11 - The End…"
I’ve really been hesitant to write and post the final entry in this series. It’s not that I’m being over-sentimental (though, I am frequently that about many things… such as novelty loofas), I just wasn’t sure how to wrap it up. I think I’ve figured it out.
My experience using OKCupid was at times strange, at times upsetting, and at times uniquely uncomfortable… but it wasn’t all bad.
YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF
…if you live within about 10 miles and have pizza to share with me.
Seriously, it’s really unlikely that I’ll message you because it feels a lot like approaching women in public and as I understand it, that can be a really uncomfortable experience for a woman, particularly when the attention isn’t wanted, so I try not to do it.
I am not looking for someone exactly like me. I’m looking for someone to share things with.
- - -
I just realized these kind of profiles usually have some a place to describe what you’re looking for, so I guess this is that place maybe?
I have noticed that some things I find attractive in women include braided hair, eyes darker than black holes, the ability to beat me up using some kind of martial arts training, being vegetarian or vegan, liking hockey as much or more than I do, a need to produce things and create—not necessarily art, speaking multiple languages, knowing way more than I do about nature and/or animals (which isn’t very difficult), being Canadian, spending a lot of time being sarcastic on the Internet, having nice shoelaces that they stole from the President, a big mouth and a small chin, and big teeth.
So I guess you should message me if you have any or all of those things going for you, too.
I don’t know exactly what I am looking for and really, I think it’s better that way. I don’t intend on planning out my next relationship, though, obviously, I am looking for one.
(I am not interested in anyone from Philadelphia. I have my reasons.)
I had some odd online interactions through OKC, but I mostly met nice people who I liked a lot. I’ve mentioned this before, but I actually made a few great friends—people I am very lucky to have in my life.
Usually, when I’d meet someone from the site, we’d fairly quickly discover we were just looking for different things or there just didn’t happen to be much of any kind of attraction between us, which was disappointing, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
Still, I deleted my profile in frustration at my lack of success. I thought, during my time on OKC and for a long time after that there was just something off about the sort of people drawn to use that site… conveniently ignoring that fact that I was a person who had been drawn to use that site. I thought maybe it was just particularly difficult to date in LA (I still think it is, but that wasn’t the real problem).
Later, I thought maybe I would have had more success if I had only written a better profile with shorter (read: no) lists of anime that I like and less self-referential humor, or maybe if I had answered more survey questions, posted better pictures, and overall, spent more time committed to finding dates. I thought I would have had better success if only the women on the site had done the same (except the part about anime lists).
“It’s not you, it’s me” is such a terrible cliché and every day, I try to remember one of the best notes a director ever gave me: “It’s not about you, Chris.” Well, normally, no, it’s not about me. This time, it was.
The truth is, I was lonely, but I wasn’t ready.
OkCupid was a bad idea. Dating was a bad idea.
It’s never a good idea to go looking for love because you’re lonely. You’ll only end up disappointed. Trying to treat loneliness with dating is like trying to treat hunger with gum. Sure, it’s distracting, but you’re just going to end up angry at yourself, angry at the gum, and you’re still going to have to go to bed watching Bob’s Burgers alone at night, so what even was the point?
At that time, I didn’t really want to meet someone and begin a serious relationship with them. No, I don’t mean I was just looking for casual sex, I mean, deep down I didn’t really want to fall for someone or start sharing parts of my life with another person. I didn’t even really want to go out on regular dates with someone. I just wanted to stop feeling so… whatever it was I was feeling all the time.
Maybe now it would be different, but how can you ever know for sure that you’re ready? Regardless, at this point I’m more interested in pursuing my interests and passions. I think that will more likely lead me to someone who is perfect for me than a dating site anyway.
Wish me luck. (I’ll need it.)
A person can change at the moment when the person wishes to change.
31 Notes/ Hide
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- lamey-amy said: I know so many people who would rather be with the wrong person than be alone. So, good on you for being brave enough to be lonely.
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- seejayyaree said: I enjoyed this post. I feel u dewd. Good luck!
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- ladysalamandre said: Yeah but what about watching Bob’s Burgers naked with a cute personnn
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